Kids really do say the darnedest things — especially when they bring up everything that went wrong months, or even years ago. This collection is a celebration of the memories parents would rather forget — if only their children would let them. From dinners that didn’t go exactly to plan to other pettiness, these are the best events to go into the scrapbook!
A Bad Dinner
So many children complain that they never get to go out to eat, but we have to point out that embarrassments like the one taking place in the photo are the reason we prefer to do meals at home.
Something like this at the kitchen table would be normal. Out at a restaurant, however, for everyone to see, guarantees that we’re never again going to that restaurant. We don’t care that it’s your favorite.
An Emergency Panic
You may think that you’re the calmest, smartest, and most rational person on the planet. However, you never know how you’re going to react when you’re thrust into a surprise emergency, like this poor mom was.
All she wanted to do was get dinner on the table when it all went up in flames. Now, since she panicked and forgot the number for 9-1-1, she has to hear about it for the rest of her life from her ungrateful kids.
Not the Right Color
All kids go through phases about what they find appetizing. This includes what you choose to serve them for meals … and what plate and utensils you’re using to serve them! There’s nothing worse than forgetting a singular preference for a special cup or a color of spoon.
You can ruin an entire meal if you make the wrong selection. It kind of makes colors the worst thing. Here’s a parenting hack: Purchase all of your utensils and kitchenware in the exact same model and color to solve this situation.
My Presence Is a Present
Kids love to get gifts. But perhaps there’s too long of a wait between Christmas and their birthday — or vice versa. They can get impatient waiting for presents. They just need a gentle reminder of everything their parents actually give them throughout the year. Awesome presents like the gift of light in the darkness.
Water when they’re thirsty. A hot stove for cooking when they’re hungry. And yes — absolutely the food they put into their bellies. You’re welcome, kids!
Take a Break, Bro
Kids say whatever pops into their heads. Most of the time, it’s a wonderful thing. They’re looking around, observing, and making connections — essential items for their development.
Some of the time, however, they embarrass the heck out of their parents with the things they say — like in this case. Yes, we know that Mommy has bras. But do you have to shout it at the top of your lungs to everyone in Target?
A Dragon Never Forgets
When you’re a kid, you have strange attachments to items. We get it — the lunchbox in this cautionary tale is pretty cool. But to continually bring it up over the course of nearly 40 years? That’s way too much.
Kudos to this poor, harried mom for finally getting her adult son to shut up about his lunchbox by finding a replacement. We’re sure it’s something of a collector’s item at this point.
Honesty Is the Best Policy
Everyone who’s been a parent understands that the truth will set your children free … even if it’s a truth you would prefer they keep to themselves. So when this little boy was ill and needed medicine, he decided to inform everybody about his exact condition.
The key is to have a good sense of humor about it, as the rest of the shoppers did. He was probably just proud of learning a new word!
It’s Just a Loan
It’s good for parents to start teaching important life lessons to their children as early as possible — like the importance of saving money. So we can imagine this child’s outrage to have to give his parents a cash loan to pay the babysitter.
They’d just taught him how essential it is to be responsible with his money! We can definitely imagine this kid growing up to be a banker — he has the right attitude!
It’s Rhyme Time
Ah, the power of a catchy and compelling rhyme in a poem or song. It’s fun to make, it gets a good reaction from its intended audience, and it’s a great learning tool.
We’re of the opinion that this kid is a regular Shakespeare. Successfully rhyming words with three syllables is a heck of an achievement at that age. We hope this mama was more proud than embarrassed — we know we would’ve been!
They’ve Got a Point
Children sometimes ask the big questions about life — especially if they read a book or watch a movie that is a little out of their emotional maturity.
When this mom tried to reassure her kid about vampires being a myth, however, the kid brought out the big guns. Mom’s been wrong before — about a doctor’s appointment. That means she could also be incorrect about the existence of vampires. That’s logic, people!
A Can by Any Other Name
For very small children, it can be difficult to differentiate between all the various beverages available in canned form. There are sodas. Sparkling waters. Juices. And yes — beer, of course.
For this family, however, beer became the one-size-fits-all solution to naming all those drinks. We’re sure that everyone who hears about Dad’s preferred breakfast beverage understands the confusion. One of these days this kiddo will master the unique drinks that come out of the can.
An Endless Cycle
As parents, you gotta do what you gotta do. You fall behind if you take any kind of break from keeping up with the kids and housework — it doesn’t matter if you’re actually sick.
We have all the sympathy and compassion in the world for the parents who do it all. And we actually don’t really care if there’s a little mess as long as there isn’t that much dirt that accompanies it. We know it can get crazy taking care of a family and a home!
Sorry, Easter Bunny
There are several holidays throughout the year when kids get way more candy than they should ever have access to. We’re talking about Halloween, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, and yes, Easter.
As a culture, we do it to ourselves. And as parents, we like to indulge our kids from time to time to make things special. We completely identify with this mom, who took the candy situation into her own hands, by eating some extras.
What Does Dad Do?
Some of the biggest horror stories in parenting stem from our children’s understanding — or misunderstanding — of our careers. It can, at best, make teachers and other caregivers and professionals confused.
At worst, it can be a concerning red flag — especially in this story. Nobody wants to hear that a dad works as a chemist in a basement. The first thing you think of is something illegal. We hope this kid gets everything cleared up soon!
Thanks for the Fish
Nothing can be more traumatic to a child than the loss of a beloved pet. Even if that pet is just a fish. We are pretty certain that we would have trouble forgetting what our mother mistakenly did to cause the demise of our finned friend.
This mom should just bite the bullet and get these adult children some fish of their own so they can see how difficult it is to maintain their health — and stop bothering their mother some 40 years later!
An Adult Errand
Look, we get it. Sometimes, you have to run errands you’d rather run by yourself … with your kids. It’s not like you can drop them off with a babysitter every time you need to pick up a couple (or three) bottles of wine.
But you have to mentally prepare yourself to accept whatever comes out of your kid’s mouth when you’re running that errand. We’re sure that the cashiers at these stores have heard everything, so no shame!
Quite a Racket
We hope that this kid has since grown up to be a salesperson or fundraiser, because this experience makes us convinced that they can motivate anyone to do anything!
By complaining to the residents at a senior center that the tooth fairy didn’t visit them the previous night, this kid probably made 10 or 20 times more money than they ever would’ve if they’d just relied on one single fairy.
The Dreaded Drawer
Parents work hard to keep the spice in their marriage — especially after having a kid or two. So we can imagine what might be stashed away in the drawer of a bedside table for parents to enjoy. Can’t one single thing in this house be private and sacred?
We’re sure this particular kid has really had the message drilled into her head to leave that drawer alone. Nobody needs to know the details of what’s inside.
What a Dad Joke
We love the humor from this little guy — it’s perhaps one of the funniest dad jokes we’ve ever heard. When the doctor was simply reading out the kid’s height, the kid thought the doctor was making an observation about how many feet he had.
That’s right, buddy — you only have two of those, not three. We would also be suspicious of a doctor who clearly couldn’t count correctly at that age!
The Best Sleeping Arrangement
All of us kids know that the best place to sleep is with Mom. She keeps us safe and warm, chases away all the bad dreams, and her bed is frankly much more comfortable than our own.
Does it matter that she doesn’t get the restful night’s sleep that we do? No. We know what we want — and that’s sleeping in mom’s bed. We know that one day, she’ll look back on these memories and treasure them.
One Big Mispronunciation
Learning how to talk is one of the most rewarding milestones throughout childhood. Your kid can start to communicate with you, let you know what’s on their minds … and make terrible social faux pas like this one.
We’re sure that everyone who hears this level of mispronunciation understands that it’s not on purpose. We all have those letters and words that trip us up on a regular basis, after all!
You Can Do It!
One of the best (or worst) parts about having a kid and taking them around with you everywhere you go is that you never know which events and experiences are going to stick with them.
On the one hand, you can tell them the directions to do something a million times and never have it sink in. On the other hand, something amazing like this could happen, building an unexpected habit and ritual that we’re sure makes everyone laugh.
Some Sibling Rivalry
This seems like exactly the kind of meme a second child would post! If your kid tries to tell you that they weren’t as loved as their older sibling, remind them that they are surely mistaken.
Just because hand-me-downs are more economical doesn’t mean that they truly didn’t grow up without any belongings of their own. They just had the opportunity to make their own memories in their older sibling’s clothes … and shoes … and toys … and furniture. Okay, maybe they have a point!
Too Much Information
Oh, kids. You can’t trust them not to embarrass you out in public, and you certainly can’t trust them not to embarrass you in your own home, either. This is the perfect storm scenario — a person in your home for business purposes.
A stranger you don’t even know, but who you rely on to make a living. And your jubilant kid informing them about the call of nature you just had in the bathroom upstairs.
A Home-Cooked Meal
Listen up, everybody. If you’ve never had kids before, then you need to understand just how hard your mother worked to take care of you. She watched you to make sure you didn’t get into trouble or hurt. She bathed you and kept you clean, safe, and healthy.
She took care of the house, paid the bills, and much more you’ll never be aware of. If the smoke detector goes off while she’s trying to cook your dinner on top of everything else? You keep that to yourself!
What a Shocker
We would like to start a petition to make all children’s toys that make obnoxious noises illegal — effective immediately. If you ever want to take revenge on someone who has kids, gift those kids a battery-powered toy with lights and sounds.
We wonder just how often parents have to disable their kids’ favorite annoying toys just to get a little peace and quiet around the house. We also wonder how long it takes for kids to catch on that something’s going on.
Let Go of the Twinkie
Twinkies — you either love them or hate them. This woman wanted Twinkies so badly in her lunch when she was a kid that her elderly father still sends them to her sometimes via mail — you know, since she’s now old, herself — so she’ll let it go.
Were those little cream-filled sponge cakes really worthy of such adoration? We’ll let you be the judge. (Spoiler: We are not fans and would like to now call our parents for not putting Twinkies in our childhood lunches.)
Questions to Never Ask
Grown people put their foot in their mouths all the time when they assume in public that a woman is pregnant just because of the size of her belly. But when a kid does it … to a man … repairing the internet at the family home … it’s something we all have to shake our heads at.
Kudos to the internet guy for not getting upset at the kid’s sharp observations — even when she continued to pepper him with personal questions.
Snails Would Be Faster
When your kids don’t want to go somewhere, they turn procrastination into a form of art. Getting them dressed and ready to go in the mornings for school, for example, can be a real battle. Everything seems to take ten times longer — especially when you’re already running late.
If any grown children are traumatized by their annoyed parents hollering at them to hurry up, their parents should reveal their own trauma about being late all the time because of endless delays caused by their children!
A Public Performance
When you’ve gotta go, you’ve gotta go. And when you’re potty training your kid, even the nastiest restrooms come into play. We’re glad this mom made it to the restroom in time — and that her kid successfully used the toilet.
But we also feel for her when her kid congratulated her on also successfully using the toilet. We’re sure the rest of the women in the restroom understood completely what was going on.
If You Can Only Save One
We’re sure that sibling rivalry is especially tough when you’re a twin. You’re always doubting that your parents truly love you equally. When an incident like this occurs, we’re sure it still makes for interesting adult conversations.
We’re sure the parent who had to make the terrible decision wasn’t just playing favorites. They probably lunged to whichever child they were closer to — and felt bad about the decision for the rest of their life!
A Failure to Sanitize
This overworked mama was just trying to do the right thing by sanitizing the toys her kiddo liked to play with in the bathtub. However, she got busy and forgot that she was boiling them to kill the germs … and ended up doing irreversible damage to them.
What she didn’t expect, however, was just how irreversible the “damage” she did to her child would be, who proceeded to tell other mothers that all of her toys were burned by her evil mother.
Mommy’s Little Shadow
Kids do the strangest things — like walk closely enough to their parents to trip them and cause serious damage. We imagine that the kid who ran directly into their mother’s backside didn’t let Mommy forget about that one for a very long time.
We can only hope they learned their lesson — to give their mom a little space when she’s trying to get between point A and point B. Come on, now!
The Wrong Lunch
When kids have very specific food preferences, getting their lunches mixed up can be the worst thing in the world. It’s certainly a very effective way of ruining a perfectly good school day.
These twins’ trust was violated that day — which is why they now check their lunch every day before even leaving the house. We can imagine those twins growing up to be copy editors or something else that requires careful attention.
An Apple a Day
Who’s the bad apple of the bunch? We’re sure that’s what this toddler was trying to figure out when they decided to sample a bite or two out of each and every apple in the house.
We hope this parent thought quickly and made some apple slices from the parts that didn’t have bite marks in them. Or perhaps some fruit salad mixed with other fruits that probably had the same issue!
The Party Pooper
All kids go through a phase of growing up when they assumed that they were a part of every single moment of their parents’ lives. After all, the world revolves around them!
We can’t help but laugh at this kid’s assumption that their parents left them behind — and alone — in order to go to this really big and fun party called their wedding. Their parents are responsible, of course — they’d have at least called a babysitter.
We Need More Hands
Even though sometimes it seems like kids have endless energy, we have to remember that they’re little and they run out of steam pretty quickly. That cup full of their favorite beverage? It weighs a ton.
The stuffed animal they insisted on taking with them? Way too heavy. The balloon they cried for you to buy that you tied around their wrist? Just the worst. We need several more arms to carry everything that our kids need!
Take the Coat
Winter coats can be really pricey. That’s why we make ours last from season to season. If somebody tried to pay for our silence about something with the promise of a brand new winter coat, we’d jump at the opportunity.
This woman made the right decision. We are a bit curious, however, just what kinds of stories happened in her childhood that her mother wanted to keep her from talking about.
Don’t Taco ’Bout It
We understand just how frustrating it can be to hear your kids bicker over something as silly as who gets the last taco. But what did this mother really expect would happen if she got an uneven number of tacos to split among her three children?
To teach them a lesson, she should’ve eaten the taco herself. We can’t help but consider it a huge waste to toss it out the window.
Get Out of My Kitchen
Chef Gordon Ramsay is something of a household name. And the last thing any hardworking mother would want is for him to be in their kitchen, judging the meal they’re trying to put on the table.
Chef Ramsay can stay in his own kitchen, thank you very much. And this kid can keep his opinions on the spices used in this meatloaf to himself. We wonder if this mother ever had the courage to cook meatloaf again.
A Little Litter Bug
We’re proud of this parent for being a good example for his son while picking up litter from the street and throwing it away. We find it funny — and very typical as far as parenting things go — that the son got upset that he didn’t have the opportunity to throw the litter away himself.
Continuing to bring it up after six years is a level of petty we can only hope to achieve someday.
This Story Always Turns Up
We really feel for all the moms in these kitchen mishap memories. It’s hard enough to put dinner on the table after a long day. To make a mistake that ruins one of the dishes — and to continue to be roasted about it for years to come — is even worse.
We have to admit, though, that the insult of “burnip” is hilarious. We hope that this mom can laugh about it by now.
What a Cookie Monster
A sweet tooth is practically universal in children. Enjoying freshly baked cookies still warm from your mom’s oven is one of the sweetest childhood memories of all. It’s apparent that this kiddo hasn’t had his mom’s cookies in a long while.
The petty entry in this lesson on the five senses — “the cookies you used to make me” — is unmatched. We hope that little cookie monster gets what he wants soon!
Go Climb a Tree
Ah, yes — the art of blackmail. Parents might be tempted to promise their children anything in the heat of the moment, including a treehouse. If that child never gets a treehouse, they can then take advantage of the loss by using it as a way to guilt their parent into giving them things for the rest of their life.
At this point, it probably would’ve been much easier to spring for the treehouse.
What a Waffle
We can imagine some instances where burning waffles would bring us to tears. Perhaps if we’re very hungry. Or if the burnt waffles somehow burned the house down.
Or if our daughter decided to memorialize it in written and drawn form, informing the world that everyone was driven to tears by the fact that someone burned the waffles. Pay better attention the next time you’re using the waffle maker, Mom!