40+ Hilarious Tweets From People That Explain Why They’re Single

This article appeared in Ballercap and has been published here with permission.

Hilarious Tweets From People Who Explain Why They’re Single

Some people dread being single, while others thrive on the lack of a relationship. And in addition to a variety of feelings about their situation, there are a large number of reasons why people end up single in the first place. From falling in love with fictional characters to passing gas during a first date, we’ve compiled a list of tweets shared by single people explaining why they’re single, to begin with.

Happy as a Homebody

Homebodies are people who truly enjoy being at home. They also frequently enjoy solitude, and sometimes they’re introverted and shy. They’re people who simply don’t feel the need to be out and about very often.

Happy as a Homebody

There’s nothing wrong with being a homebody, but it doesn’t exactly put you in a lot of situations where you’ll find a partner. As this person said, you can’t expect your perfect someone to just show up at your front door unless you’re a Disney princess or something.

No Grown Man’s Mother

In sociology, the second shift refers to all the extra labor that many women take on when in a relationship or as a mother. They’re responsible for cleaning and keeping everyone in line — usually while maintaining a full-time job.

No Grown Man’s Mother

This seems like a pretty good reason to stay single! It sounds like this OP has had some bad experiences with having to do all of the work in past relationships. She deserves more than being a makeshift maid.

Clumsy Around Fragile Masculinity

The term ‘fragile masculinity’ is thrown around a lot. It refers to the anxiety some men feel when they do certain things that they believe don’t live up to society’s standards in terms of manhood and manly men.

Clumsy Around Fragile Masculinity

This is pretty clever, and it’s fair that someone wouldn’t want to date a guy who has serious insecurity issues when it comes to masculinity. It’s hard to be in a relationship with someone who isn’t comfortable in their own skin.

Autocorrect Gone Wrong

Our bodies change a lot throughout our lifetimes, and sometimes we have a hard time accepting it. It’s common to turn to a partner for reassurance that we still look good, and although we may not always like their response.

Autocorrect Gone Wrong

Talk about awkward! There was nothing worse that they could have said in that moment, except maybe a blatant, “Yes, you’ve gained weight.” Autocorrect — killing relationships since everyone began texting and stopped making phone calls.

Get the Heck Out

For most people, pets aren’t simply an animal; they become part of the family and are just as important as their human counterparts. So, there’s nothing worse than a new partner that isn’t accepting of these furry family members.

Get the Heck Out

What kind of cold, heartless person would think that suggesting this is normal or okay? Both we and the OP’s dog are thankful that she dumped the schmuck as quickly as possible. He doesn’t deserve to be in a relationship.

Fictional Men Are Better

Anyone who’s a voracious reader knows what it’s like to absolutely fall in love with a book. You’re transported into new, unique worlds with people who either make you shake your fists with rage — or perhaps make you feel some sort of way.

Fictional Men Are Better

Ah, the classic “I can’t find any men like the ones in books” dilemma. While her frustration with real-life men is understandable, one must eventually accept that real men are flawed, or just carry on in single bliss forever.

The Worst Kind of Match

We end relationships for any number of reasons. It could be that long-term plans simply don’t align. Maybe someone wants children while the other doesn’t. Sometimes, people simply discover they aren’t a good fit with time.

The Worst Kind of Match

Exes become exes for a reason, so it would definitely be worrying to see that you and a former fling are a perfect match on a dating website that you started using. The dating website may just see whatever she saw that attracted her to the person in the first place, but it doesn’t necessarily see all the flaws.

No Sense of Humor

A lot of relationships start with people bonding over a similar sense of humor. Laughing makes us happy, and knowing that someone is going to appreciate our jokes makes them instantly more attractive. So, what happens if they don’t get it?

No Sense of Humor

To be fair, what exactly was she supposed to say in this situation? It’s not like someone dropping beef on the ground next to you is a meet-cute. What she said was clever and funny. That dude just didn’t have a sense of humor.

Dogs Never Complain

Dogs make great pets because they’re loyal, they love without judgment, and they love seeing and spending time with their owners. They make any person feel good and special, which makes them great companions over finicky humans.

Dogs Never Complain

A lot of people out there prefer the company of pets over people, so this isn’t too surprising. They need to find someone else who also prefers the company of dogs, so they can live happily ever after, fawning over their pups together.

Probably Not Listening

When you’re in a relationship, there are some basic “services” that you need to provide your partner with. Things like supporting their hobbies, engaging with their friends and family, and active listening can make or break any relationship.

Probably Not Listening

Her tweet is funny, but we can definitely see how someone not listening to their partner could put enough strain on the relationship to cause a split. Hopefully, if this actually happened, she’s tried to make some changes instead of making light of the situation.

Some People Are Sore Losers

There’s nothing quite like partners in a relationship being able to bond over video games. They’re often seen as a men’s activity, but partners who play together stay together (okay, so maybe we just made that up).

Some People Are Sore Losers

Imagine being such a sore loser that you literally break up with your girlfriend because she’s better at a game than you are. It almost makes us hope that there were other issues that caused the break-up because it seems so ridiculous.

Tired of Interruptions

Being around other people is great, but sometimes we all just need some quiet time to recharge our batteries and do things we want to do without worrying about what other people think of us or our habits.

Tired of Interruptions

Some people just enjoy solitude, and that’s okay. The company of a pet is very different from the company of another human, so it’s not surprising that one could be preferable over the other, although sometimes cats interrupt more than humans!

Foul End to a Date

Passing gas, burping, and stinky armpits are all things we can’t control, yet other people find repulsive. It sucks to be judged during the times that our bodies have decidd to betray us, but it happens, like in this new relationship.

Foul End to a Date

It’s unfortunate that the beginnings of relationships are so fragile, but they just are, and such a foul smell upon opening the door is a very easy way to squash a burgeoning romantic connection. Someday they’ll find someone who doesn’t mind the stink.

Message Not Received

In a relationship where one partner is really into video games and the other isn’t, it can be tough to find a balance between letting that partner enjoy their hobby and not having it consume all of their free time.

Message Not Received

If she placed the note on the PS5, it’s probably because she knew it was a place he would see it. Perhaps he was so obsessed with playing PlayStation that he neglected their relationship, in which case it makes sense that she left.

Forever Reading Books

It’s important for adults to have hobbies, too. It could be yoga classes, video games, playing an instrument, or reading — but whatever it is, we all need something that we love doing in our spare time.

Forever Reading Books

Reading is great, but if you would rather do it than interact with other people, it may be worth looking into potential social anxiety. Everyone needs balance, so this person should consider spending more time in reality.

Feline Hide and Seek

Sometimes, when we enter a new relationship, our partner will have habits and interests that we just don’t understand or relate to. Other times, we’ll discover that something they love is something that we love too — like this person’s nightly hobby.

Feline Hide and Seek

Honestly, playing hide and seek with cats at night sounds very entertaining, and doing something so silly and playful with your partner would be a great way to keep a relationship fun! Someone get us this person’s phone number!

Don’t Want a Man Child

Men are often referred to as “manbabies” because so many of them struggle to do basic things to take care of themselves — like doing laundry properly, cooking quality meals, or cleaning beyond surface stains.

Don’t Want a Man Child

It’s worrying that more than one person has compared having a partner to raising a child. There must be a lot of adults out there who don’t know how to take care of themselves and rely on their partners too much.

Backup Prom Date

Prom is such a defining moment of our high school careers, and we often turn to dates to make our evenings memorable. When not in a relationship, finding a prom date can be an awkward process — just as this girl experienced.

Backup Prom Date

That guy deserved not to have a prom date after treating another friend that way. He wanted a date so badly that he didn’t think about how his behavior would affect other people. You shouldn’t yank people around like that.

No Netflix and Chill

As humans, we often have a morbid fascination with scary things, like ghosts and serial killers. Perhaps a side of our brain is just curious as to what could go on in someone’s head to cause them to act in such horrible ways.

No Netflix and Chill

We don’t really see how this is a reason to be single. A lot of people enjoy watching true crime shows and it’s actually a hobby many people bond over. Not to mention the fact that a lot of people don’t know much about their family’s background.

Supremely Cringy Misunderstandings

Here’s a challenge — think about a time that you misinterpreted someone’s intentions, especially a stranger, and did something so awkward that there was no coming back from it. We bet you have a distinct moment in mind, like Ann here does.

Supremely Cringy Misunderstandings

This is painfully cringy, to the point that it seems like one of those things you’d still think about and shake your head at several years later. It seems that this OP isn’t the best at reading the situation.

Starfishing Like Patrick

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A big benefit of being single is never having to worry about someone encroaching on your personal space. Some partners in a relationship just don’t understand when we need alone time or a bed to ourselves.

Starfishing Like Patrick

The starfish sleeping alone is a good reason to be single in our opinion. Sharing a bed can be uncomfortable and limiting. And no one wants to share their ice cream, really, so we understand that too. It’s too good to share.

On to the Next One

Ask any person on the street if they’ve been a rebound for someone else or if they’ve started their own rebound relationship, and they’ll likely tell you that they’ve done both. What if you’re not only a rebound but rather, also the one they always date before they get married?

On to the Next One

This is heartbreaking. Having this happen once or twice would already be strange, but seven times makes you wonder what you’re doing wrong. The thing is, it’s probably nothing you’re doing. It’s just really, really bad luck.

Her Royal Highness

One benefit of growing up is that it becomes more and more acceptable to simply be yourself, even if being yourself means hobbies or humor that other people would consider weird — like what you decide to name your pet.

Her Royal Highness

While that’s definitely a different (and excessively long) name for a cat, there’s got to be someone out there who would appreciate Erin’s sense of humor as well as her cat itself.

Random British Accents

Thanks to TV shows and movies, we get exposed to accents from different countries that we likely wouldn’t hear on a day-to-day basis. Since they’re foreign, some people become obsessed with them. British accents are a good example.

Random British Accents

This actually probably wouldn’t hinder her chance of finding love that much, because she definitely isn’t the first person to do this and won’t be the last. The real question is whether her fake accent is any good.

Lack of Allure

For some reason, society expects adults to give up most of their hobbies and interests — viewing things like animated movies, figurines, stuffed animals, and video games as childish and pointless. It’s like people are supposed to magically stop enjoying things when they turn 18.

Lack of Allure

Newsflash, society! Adults still love items that represent something they’re passionate about, like this person’s toy figurines and collectibles, and there’s nothing wrong with that. You’ll find a relationship that appreciates your interests someday, friend.

Some People Just Can’t Park

Parking well is a skill that some drivers just never seem to develop. They take up two spots, park way outside the lines, or sometimes they even hit other vehicles in the process — like this person did while on a date.

Some People Just Can’t Park

Nothing screams “run away!” like someone acting so casually about getting into a car accident, even if it’s a minor one. “If he doesn’t leave his insurance number, go date another” would be an appropriate saying here, assuming this was a common enough occurrence to need a saying.

No Empathy Whatsoever

It’s pretty common for children to laugh at each other when someone gets hurt. We aren’t really sure what causes them to behave that way, but empathy for others isn’t always something kids are known for. You’d expect better out of adults, however.

No Empathy Whatsoever

Someone who can’t be bothered to care about your physical health is definitely not someone that you want to jump into a relationship with. Either he’s just not an empathetic person whatsoever, or the date was so bad that he just couldn’t wait to get out of there.

Long Live Bugle Finger Hats

Smearing glue all over your fingers just to peel it off, making a duck face out of Pringles, and using Bugles as finger hats are all things that we all do yet don’t seem to talk about.

Long Live Bugle Finger Hats

Anyone out there who doesn’t make Bugle finger hats are the ones in the wrong here — not this person. You can’t have a snack that looks so perfectly like a witch hat and not take advantage of it in the sake of a good laugh.

Full Custody of the Remote

Imagine this — you come home from a long day of work, and you’ve spent all afternoon dreaming about binging Gilmore Girls for the 17th time. But, you walk in to find your boyfriend watching football, refusing to hand over the remote.

Full Custody of the Remote

Arguing with a partner about who gets the TV, and when, is definitely one of the most frustrating aspects of being in a relationship. So, we can see how not having that fight would make being single worth it.

They Got Knocked Down

When “Tubthumping” by Chumbawamba became a radio sensation, a lot of Americans learned that a certain word for using the toilet in American English did not in fact have the same significance in Australian English.

They Got Knocked Down

You may read this and think “Hey, “Tubthumping” is a great song and a concert is a nice date!” And while that may be true, have you ever actually listened to Chumbawamba’s other music? If not, do it now, and you’ll see why their relationship got knocked down.

Overprotective Pups in the Way

It’s normal to feel like our pets being protective of us is a good thing, and while it can be, some pets who are protective can end up becoming dangerous to those around us — especially people we’re affectionate towards.

Overprotective Pups in the Way

This seems funny and cute on the surface, but really, overprotective animals desperately need the training to teach them what behaviors are and aren’t okay. The fact that she emphasizes “at all costs” makes us worry her dog is aggressive.

Stuffed Animal Love

We all have different bedtime behaviors that others may consider weird. Some of us are scared to have our feet hang off the bed for fear of monsters. Other people sleep in really weird positions.

Stuffed Animal Love

It seems perfectly normal to us to want to cuddle something while sleeping. Getting comfortable in bed is all about comfort and security, and cuddling something soft like a stuffed animal or pillow is a great way to feel safe.

Kindergarten Love Story

Young children mimic what they see in the world around them, so it’s only natural for them to claim that they have a boyfriend or girlfriend and to give quick kisses to one another. It’s generally harmless behavior.

Kindergarten Love Story

Assuming she wants to have kissed someone since kindergarten, we’re sad for her that she was never able to do so. We’ll take it upon ourselves to help her hunt down Samson and make magic happen. Where are you at, Samson?!

Small-Town Troubles

Anyone who has lived in a small town knows how difficult it can be to find love. Your options are extremely limited, and people love to gossip about your any and every action, especially when it comes to dating.

Small-Town Troubles

Anyone who has lived in a small town also knows exactly where this person is coming from. If someone isn’t your cousin, then they dated your best friend at some point and are off limits, or they’re taken. There’s just no winning.

Quick to Say I Love You

As kids, it’s mortifying when we accidentally call one of our teachers mom or dad. Unfortunately for some people, that’s only the beginning of cringeworthy moments caused by having trouble thinking before speaking.

Quick to Say I Love You

Reading this, you want to laugh, but all you can do is cringe in horror at the fact that this guy has actually blurted out, “Goodnight, I love you” more than once. At least falling in love quickly will make it easier to find a relationship.

Busted Before the Blind Date

One of the downsides of the beginning of a relationship is that it’s impossible to know what kind of things, legal or not, that person is into. Some people are really good at hiding who they truly are.

Busted Before the Blind Date

That’s some serious bad luck, but at least it means that this person dodged a major bullet. It’s better to find out that someone is unfit to date sooner rather than later. They’ll find love someday (that is, if they want to).

Hard to Get or Want

When struggling to find love, it can be easy to get down on ourselves. It can make people feel undesirable or uninteresting, even if that isn’t actually the case.

Hard to Get or Want

This person needs to put some work into loving themselves, or if the behaviors that make them hard to want are actually problematic, then put some work into changing how they act. That would make a big difference.

No Grills for Dead Men

Losing a family member can be difficult, and everyone has different ways of coping. A common one is trying to look at things with humor and make jokes to alleviate some of the pain the loss causes.

No Grills for Dead Men

What about this response is bad enough to make this person stay single? Perhaps it was the way that they delivered the line, or perhaps the other person just didn’t find any humor in it. It doesn’t seem like enough to ruin a date.

Christmas Music All Year Round

The Christmas season is a time for joy and love and music and presents. But, what happens when some people become so obsessed with the holiday season and its music that they extend Christmas beyond the acceptable time limits?

Christmas Music All Year Round

Listening to Christmas music all year sounds like something out of nightmares. Sure, it’s tolerable during the winter season as everyone is feeling festive, but no one wants to hear Mariah Carey blasting in July.

Doing the Robot to Beyonce

Prom is a time of raging teen hormones, poofy dresses that teens will shake their heads at when they’re older, and lots of nerves around what dates and classmates will think.

Doing the Robot to Beyonce

Let’s be real, here — no one is a good dancer at that age, and prom isn’t a great environment for those who do actually know how to dance. Most teens just bob around awkwardly, so doing the robot to Beyoncé wouldn’t have actually stood out that much.

Strapped for Cash and Love

Many difficulties plague adults. They have a lot of things that they’re responsible for, and misfortune can snowball, making more than one aspect of their lives difficult — including being in a relationship.

Strapped for Cash and Love

This is unfortunately a perfect combination to kill a budding relationship. It’s hard to go on dates without a functioning vehicle, and it’s hard to pay for them without a job. Hopefully, this person’s situation has improved since then, both his well-being and his search for a partner.

He Wasn’t a Winner

Now that most people only watch streaming platforms, we miss out on television commercials. And while that seems great, one type of commercial we’re missing out on is movie trailers. Luckily, theater-goers do have a chance to see lots of trailers and previews.

He Wasn’t a Winner

The OP honestly seems like the problem here — not the guy who was simply excited about new movies coming out. A lot of people chit-chat during the previews. As long as he was quiet during the film, there’s no issue.

Some Things Aren’t Jokes

It’s tough to navigate the waters of interacting with ex-boyfriends or girlfriends. It’s common to cut them off completely, but sometimes people stay in touch and even rekindle old flames — unless one person doesn’t take the other seriously, that is.

Some Things Aren’t Jokes

To be fair, if he was her ex, it was probably for a reason. So, it wasn’t like she necessarily would have wanted to get back into that relationship. If she did, though, then she definitely ruined her chances with her reaction.

No Love for Cheese Haters

Cheese should be a food group on its own. It’s delicious and we all love to pretend that it’s nutritious and really good for us. Yet there are some crazy people out there who don’t enjoy this yellow deliciousness.

No Love for Cheese Haters

She’s right– it’s definitely the cheese that’s turning away potential partners. They’ll never be able to go with her to a fondue restaurant or enjoy a charcuterie board. It’s a foodie’s worst nightmare. Maybe she just needs to look for someone who’s lactose intolerant.

That’s What She Said

Friends, The Office, and Seinfield are just a few sitcom classics that have almost cult-like followings. People who love these shows can reference specific episodes or moments as if their lives depended on it.

That’s What She Said

There are definitely people out there who would love nothing more than to pass the time throwing around quotes with this person and snuggling on the sofa watching episode after episode. They’ll find someone who fears how much they love them someday.